Crazy Polly-- It's no longer Pretty.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BIRD?

Police are on the search for the above creature to assist in investigations on a cheating case involving the use of a stolen credit card to buy two bottles of Veri Gui Cod Liver Oil with Banana Juice in Sunny Yellow Colour and added Omega 3.

The bird is described to be in its late twenties, slim and 1.53 cm tall, weighing 67.984 grams with a moment of 18 Newton-metres when placed on a birch wood balancing scale with a width of 3.77 cm and a length of 15cm with a 500 gram weight at the other end. When pushed feet first against a marbled floor, the pressure exterted by the bird is at an estimated 45 Pascals. Measuring tools to determine the above may be purchased at a 20% discount from Smarty-Pants General All-Purpose Specialist Bookstore.

Anyone with information on the bird's identity, bodily measurements, eating habits, allergies, crushes, dislikes, number of armpit hairs, past relationships, number of peanuts consumed so far, number of feathers and whereabouts may call the police hotline at 1800-XXX-XXX.

Thank you for your cooperation and your participation in this investigation. Your identity will be kept strictly, positively and temporarily confidential.

JUST KIDDING!

Waffles, the Founder of hot settlements

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Tommy Waffles, the famous Singer, the idol of Ah Lian the Orang-Utan, was spotted last evening peeping at a few girls having their showers in the renowned hot baths in Rome. Girl number one, who only wanted to be known as Evian Freshwater, said, “I was lucky to be the only one who was fully dressed.”

Her friends, though, were not so lucky. All five of them have been admitted into Woodbridge Royal Anglo Hospital for shock treatment. The media is also sad to announce that the hospital was funded and built by Waffles himself.

However, when interviewed, Waffles defended himself with a smug expression on his face, saying, “I was only looking for a site for a settlement. I thought the hot baths would be a good place due to its natural water… and natural, ah, beauty.” He was immediately arrested for making obscene remarks at a female reporter, who is none other than yours truly.

Thank you for your kind consolation, the reporter is now happily resting at home, eating apples and writing a report, hoping to spread the misdeeds of Tommy Waffles to the many households of Singapore.

The Prestige of The Royal British Empire and the Founding of Singapore!

(Note: This was created in jest and holds no message whatsoever against the british.)
(Note 2: Use this for your project!)

Of all the glory that the Royal British Empire has enjoyed in the past centuries, nothing can overwhelm the prestige, the power, and the Holy awe that She has carved into the heart-muscle of all the other lowly kingdoms of to-day! Here as I write, I understand in my heart and in my whole-being that She is sending more powerful men and knights to conquer and build up our holy nation. It seems an age since Britain last extended Her Holy arms, to embrace new light, new people, new gold, and thus dispelling shadow with all her might.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all Man whose blood is a level away from the scarlet liquid that runs through my veins, yours and your father’s is but a student, a disciple of the Holy citizens of the Great British Empire. There is, in every disposition, a tendency to commit the Holy Act of Teaching, the spreading of British knowledge and God’s sacred beliefs to these unpolished beings, desperately in need of enlightenment of a New Age.

Yester-day, Thomas Raffles put quill to Asian parchment, and signed in the name of the English East India Company, thus establishing a New British settlement in the East Indies.

END.

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Hamster and Mayping
The Evening Victorian Mirror

(Format of Disclaimer taken from 'The Student's Sketchpad')

Introduction

'Evening Victorian Mirror' is a blog written in a newspaper styled format, reflecting the major upcoming or historical events that are going to happen, is happening, or has happened in the past.

We write up random articles when we feel like it, or when it is in regards to our most recent projects, which in we write when we are slacking around, trying to avoid doing the project. (Bad kids!)

We hope to bring laughter to people all around the world who are reading this, and also self-reflectment and reality.

'OI! LAUGH LEH!'