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Why you should advertise with us:

1. Judging from how intently you are reading this advertisement, it is clear that our advertisements are eye-catching and appealing.

2. With 20 years' worth of experience in advertising, there is no doubt as to our standing in the local advertisement industry. For 20 years we've been doling out advertisements like this one you're reading right now, and yet we've still got people like you reading them!

3. As the smarter reader might have figured out from point number 2, we haven't had a single customer for 20 years and we're really desperate.

So, for heaven's sake, advertise with us.

Rest assured that we only use high-quality genuine 24-carat gold leaf for all our pamphlets and flyers, so no member of the public will throw away your advertisements without reading them.

And one last thing before you contact us: We didn't say anything about the cost. (:

A Coloured Joke

In reply to True Colours, an article written on Sunday, February 15th, a reader has wrote in with a joke to share with every single one of us.

What is the panda's biggest dream in life?

To have a coloured photo of itself!

Oh ho ho ho, what a merry joke! I'm sure it plastered a big big smile on your face! What a witty joke for a reader to write in! We really appreciate you taking your time and effort to type this out and send it to us! Over here, we will like to wish you a very big THANK YOU!

As a foot note, I gladly announce that I, am the very witty reader :)

Invasion of Aliens

Oh pardon us, the great authors of the EVENING VICTORIAN MIRROR, for leaving this beautiful site stagnant for quite a while.

This is all due to the alien invasion from the 'Cynthia' land. After much careful and extremely meticulous research, we have found out that 'Cynthia' is very much related to 'Esther'! Wow!

No, my dear readers, we have not been holidaying away. We have been slogging our lifes away, fighting like true heroes against the aliens from 'Cynthia' and we are glad to say that, the battle is won!

Stay tuned with your eyes glued to the screen, pressing the key 'F5' ever so often for more exciting news!

True Colours

Adapted from Cindy Lauper's song! :)

Re-written by Chingay Lawyer and Friends!

Some melodious excerpts:

When the people get too stupid and you need some extra cash
You can blindfold them, cause they won't suspect
As they can't see your true colours, shining through
They can't see your true colours
So they won't think you are bad
And you can rob them
And they won't suspect,
Yeah they won't suspect!

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I see your true colours, shining through
I see your true colours
So I'm not colour blind!

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When Chingay enters a TV store...
Chingay: "I see your true colours..."
Ah Seng: Wah you siao ah this TV black and white leh


When Chingay goes to kindergarten...
Chingay: I see your true colours... lend me your colour pencils!
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This is so not funny. I can see your true colours. *hypnosis*

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

SINGAPORE - The annual Golden Mole Beauty Pageant was held last Friday, with a total of erm, 2 contestants. (The rest died of heart attack, details in the later paragraphs.)

This two contestants, aged -15 and 30, outshoned the others with their extreme beauty, others cannot help but just stare blankly in awe. According to the disqualified contestants, there was a stand-by first aid team as these two contestants were simply too beautiful that the authorities were afraid that a crowd would gathered and put their lifes in danger.

Contestant #01
Name: SMUG
Age: -15 years old
Sex: Female
Sex appeal: 100
Talents: Ballet dancing in bathsuits

SMUG, otherwise known as the Slim, Magical and Underweight Goddess, stands out from the crowd with her elegance aura. In the Ballet Round, she topped with a score of 99.9/100. The difference of o.1 mark was a result wearing bathing suit to dance. Ironically, this is also considered to be one of her strengths. However, her age is still a myth as the authorities are currently looking into her background.

Contestant #02
Name: Niu Niu
Age: 30 years old
Sex: Mutant
Sex appeal: -100
Talents: Worshipping Korean Stars, namely CSW and L

You can spot Niu Niu right away from a crowd, not because she is exceptionally tall, but because she has the head of a human, but the body of a cello. That would explain why her sex appeal is a negative index.

After what seem like an eternity later, the judges finally came up with a winner of The Golden Mole Beauty Pageant, at the expense of their appreciation of beauty. It was a heart-wrenching moment in the stadium, everyone held their breaths and waited for the announcement of results.

The beauty queen of 1st The Golden Mole Beauty Pageant turned out to be LYL, a previously disqualified contestant. It happened that SMUG and Niu Niu are one individual who registered twice to secure higher chances of winning. She/They were disqualified from the pageant one minute before the announcer-cum-ex-contestant declared herself the winner.

As reported by Assie Butty Toad.

Top FIVE ways to be GROSS!

Ladies, want to make an impression on that shuaige over by the arcade? Macho men, want to attract even more stares from those pretty ladies in Metro? Cousin of former reporter Assie Butty Toad, Funny Farty Fog, brings you the following HOT TIPS!

- If you are blessed with hairy armpits, raise your arms as high as you can to let the whole world see your, er, fuzz, and start scratching. For a better effect, complain loudly that the hair is too curly/thick/smelly etc.

- If you have hairless armpits but are blessed with long fingernails and a stuffy nose, start digging your nose. An added benefit: flicking the bits off your little fingers keeps thugs at bay, especially if done with the speed of a machine gun.

- If you fart a lot like this reporter, blast away! For best results, eat nothing but soft food for a couple of days and don't poo yet till the stinkbomb goes off in a public place. Remember the following butty tip: Noisy not lethal, the silent one is the killer.

- At a buffet, take as much food as you can, and get eating. Then, with your mouth full of food, walk over to the buffet table to get more food while chewing and letting the bits fall (accidentally) into the trays. For a better effect, add some sounds. You can easily find inspiration from pig farms.

- Do the ultimate act of parenthood (for some species of birds, that is), REGURGIGATE YOUR FOOD FOR OTHERS TO EAT. No elaboration shall be offered.

Funny Farty Fog is signing off, and will not bear any responsibility for any injuries or whatever sustained while carrying out the above actions.

MSN

To all the kids out there in the world, be careful when you chat through the internet. Even with your friends, you should still take extra precautions.

You should be careful of CUTE SMILEYS like the ones of JIRO WANG shown above. Ahem.