Ladies, want to make an impression on that shuaige over by the arcade? Macho men, want to attract even more stares from those pretty ladies in Metro? Cousin of former reporter Assie Butty Toad, Funny Farty Fog, brings you the following HOT TIPS!
- If you are blessed with hairy armpits, raise your arms as high as you can to let the whole world see your, er, fuzz, and start scratching. For a better effect, complain loudly that the hair is too curly/thick/smelly etc.
- If you have hairless armpits but are blessed with long fingernails and a stuffy nose, start digging your nose. An added benefit: flicking the bits off your little fingers keeps thugs at bay, especially if done with the speed of a machine gun.
- If you fart a lot like this reporter, blast away! For best results, eat nothing but soft food for a couple of days and don't poo yet till the stinkbomb goes off in a public place. Remember the following butty tip: Noisy not lethal, the silent one is the killer.
- At a buffet, take as much food as you can, and get eating. Then, with your mouth full of food, walk over to the buffet table to get more food while chewing and letting the bits fall (accidentally) into the trays. For a better effect, add some sounds. You can easily find inspiration from pig farms.
- Do the ultimate act of parenthood (for some species of birds, that is), REGURGIGATE YOUR FOOD FOR OTHERS TO EAT. No elaboration shall be offered.
Funny Farty Fog is signing off, and will not bear any responsibility for any injuries or whatever sustained while carrying out the above actions.
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